13 People You’ll Encounter at Thanksgiving Dinner
Gobble gobble. It’s that time of year again. You smell the delicious, juicy turkey coming out of the oven, that steaming pie filling the whole house with its sensual aroma, and hear the people starting to gather. You walk through the dining room to get to your seat, you look around, and you start noticing…
1. The One Who Did Most (Or All) the Cooking
They’re the mastermind of this bountiful dinner. They’ve been looking forward to this since the Friday after Thanksgiving 2015. They look over the table to see if people are eating every little dish on the table. They barely eat as they nervously ask everyone if they’re enjoying their food. Just compliment their food, please.
2. The One Who’s “Hands-Off”
They’re useful for many things, sure — punny jokes, making conversation, eating all the leftovers. But let’s be honest, they haven’t touched the oven since the Reagan era. In fact, they probably just woke up from a 14-hour nap.
3. The “Relative”
You call him Uncle Larry, but he might actually be your dad’s business partner from 30 years ago. You don’t really talk to him nor do you know his life story. But he’s been around since birth, so you just go “eh.”
4. The Silent One
They’re just… around. They offer to help with cooking, but your mom doesn’t let them. They don’t eat much, they just… observe. You think they’re being judgmental but what are they really thinking? You’ll never know. Watch your back.
5. The Politically Incorrect One
You probably love them when they’re not in a heated debate. They’re always offending someone, and don’t get it when you tell them why. But you just accept them for who they are and move on.
6. The Drunk One
This can be anyone: aunt, uncle, cousin, mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, stranger. You give them a pass since it’s Thanksgiving, but DEAR GOD IT’S ONLY 4. They will leave the room halfway through dinner to never be seen again.
7. The Political Pundit
They’re the worst. They try to find any reason to bring up politics. They make people yell, and you end up hating everyone at the end of the dinner. The only person that agrees with this person is the politically incorrect one.
8. The Recently Engaged
They act cool, but they subtly raise their wine glass to show off their new 0.1 KARAT RING. They want everyone to know that they’re thankful for love, and family, and love. They might also be the the reason you’re depressed on Thanksgiving.
Yes, they have their own table. Yes, they’re adorable. That is until they get hungry and turn into MONSTERS. Beware of these hungry little beasts. And bring ear plugs — there will be crying.
10. The One Who Wants to Leave
There’s always one in the family who does NOT want anything to do with this gathering. True, family time can be amazing. But for some, Thanksgiving is a dreaded day of forcibly talking to people you hate when you can just be home watching Netflix and turning in early. They are thankful for sleep and alone time.
11. The Friend Who Tagged Along
There’s always that one friend who either couldn’t afford a flight home or doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. They are often the one who stays silent when everyone is fighting, or joking, or doing anything. But they don’t mind, because for them it’s like watching a reality show.
12. The Successful One
They are the talk of the family. The family jewel. The family retirement fund. You’ve been resenting them since you were born. There is no way you can ever outshine them… unless you’re the recently engaged one. FIGHT!
13. The Pets
Your lifeline, your Thanksgiving recess, your time out. Thank DA LAWD for pets. Take your drink, go to them. They will make everything seem better. Unless you’re allergic — then you’re straight outta luck. 🙁