How to Spend Your Tax Return Like a Boss

How to Spend Your Tax Return Like a Boss

Put down that instant ramen, it’s tax return time! And we have three words for you: TREAT. YO. SELF. These extravagant splurges will make you forget about your dingy studio apartment and your mountain of student loan debt.




1. An Actual Princess Carriage – Starting at $37,000

Image Source: Poshtots
The ultimate dream come true.


2. A Custom Pet Portrait – Starting at $375

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Image Source: Susanna Patterson
Your four-legged friend doesn’t pay taxes. Let’s be honest, a pet is basically a lazy, hairy roommate who contributes nothing. But since we love them anyway, go ahead and spend your hard-earned American dollars to commission a portrait of your beloved furry family member.


3. Cat Battle Armor – $600

Image Source: Etsy
Because Fluffy needs a killer outfit to wear in her portrait, of course.


4. A Bottle of Tequila – $3.5 million

Number 1 Tequila Ley 925 La Ley del Diamante
Image Source: Fernando Altamirano/Ley .925
Each bottle of Tequila Ley .925 contains 6,400 diamonds, which is probably a serious choking hazard, but that’s beside the point. The point is, nothing says “splurge” like a bottle of alcohol worth more than your organs. Plus, after you drink it you can fill the bottle with rainwater to drink from when you’re living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass.


5. A Mermaid Tail – $262

Image Source: 3-Fins
Who needs a savings account when you have a fully functional, custom-made mermaid tail? (Don’t answer that.)


6. 24k Gold Toilet Paper – $1.265 million per roll

Image Source: Toilet Paper Man
Polish your every nook and cranny with lustrous 24k gold. It comes hand-delivered with a bottle of champagne, as any decent toilet paper should. You’ll literally be sitting on a gold mine.


7. Life-Size Tyrannosaurus Skeleton – $100,000

You know what they say – a house is not a home without a scale replica of T-Rex skeleton. Or something like that.


8. One Cupcake – $750

Image Source: The Palazzo
You could host dinner for a dozen of your closest friends, or you could buy this cupcake and eat it in three minutes. The Decadence D’Or cupcake at Sweet Surrender in Las Vegas is made with exotic delicacies like Porcelana Criollo chocolate (the most coveted cacao in the world), Tahitian Gold vanilla caviar, and $3000-per-bottle Louis XIII de Remy Martin cognac. It’s topped with edible gold flakes and a hand-blown sugar Fleur de Lis, making it extremely Instagram-able, and that’s what matters most.


9. A White Lion Cub – $138,000

A rare genetic mutation gives white lion cubs their unusual color, but scientists have yet to determine what makes them so ridiculously adorable. With less than 300 in existence globally, you’re sure to have the poshest pet around. Just remember a white lion cub grows up to be a white lion, so you better make some room in your studio apartment.


10. The Royal Penthouse Suite at the President Wilson Hotel in Geneva, Switzerland – $83,200 per night

Image Source: Hotel President Wilson
All this lavish spending is exhausting. Ready to hit the hay? Choose between the twelve luxury bedrooms of the penthouse suite at the President Wilson Hotel in Geneva. There are also twelve marble bathrooms, a private gym, a Steinway grand piano, a wraparound balcony with panoramic views of the Alps and Lake Geneva, and a private staff including a personal assistant, butler, and chef. You can’t put a price on comfort. Except you can, and one night here costs more than the average yearly salary in the U.S.

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